I guess I officially give up on this challenge because I’m so far behind and all.
I’m pretty bummed that I didn’t keep up with it, so maybe next year?
Until then, I’ll just post on here occasionally if I feel like talking about my day and don’t want to post on Tumblr.

148/365

May 28, 2015:

Since Leo was busy earlier in the week, we rescheduled so we could hang out on Thursday. For some reason, planning was a struggle, but it eventually worked out, and we met up at Urge with Victor for a few beers.

I love them both, but they act differently when I hang out with them individually vs. when I hang out with them at the same time. It definitely throws me off, and I wonder why it’s that way because I like how they are when we’re one-on-one better, but nowadays I always include both when I ask to hang out.

At one point, I just stopped and said, “Can we do something for my birthday this year?”
And Leo responded, “Well, it depends on what….”
Immediately, Victor said, “Dude, who cares? It doesn’t matter. It’s her birthday.” And I just really appreciated that.

Wrote 7 posts today… a million more to go!

148/365

147/365

May 27, 2015:

Despite all my mixed emotions from LED, I definitely was feeling the withdrawals and wishing that I could go back to Friday night. Spotify was definitely my best friend to get through the day. Sigh.

I asked to get training, so I shadowed someone who could help me out even though our jobs aren’t exactly the same. When she found out that I was starting to take calls so soon, she was surprised, too, and her being stressed made me even more stressed (if that makes sense).

A positive thing is that I started eating lunch with a small group of people. It felt nice to be included, so thank you Chris for asking me to join.

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May 26, 2015:

I went into work and hoped that I would actually get some training for my new position. Basically, I am going to be taking calls about a lot of things I already know about from my previous position. However, I didn’t feel comfortable jumping into it right away just because having to deal with customers over the phone is something I don’t have any experience with. I came to the realization that my managers didn’t have any formal training schedule put into place for me, and the only “training” they had scheduled was for me to train other people about the calls. Say what? The panic was slightly settling in because I was going to start taking calls on June 1st.

After a meeting that I had, I decided to just take a break and collect myself before going back to my desk. After all, I had an hour scheduled for it, and the meeting only took 20 minutes. I was dying to get some of what I was feeling out, so I wrote this on Tumblr. Feelings of disillusionment are greaattttt. Not.

Oh and on top of that I had been feeling nauseous, and before my meeting, I felt my heart racing for no reason, and I just felt my stress levels rising. Luckily that didn’t last too long, and I felt better after resting for a bit.

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May 25, 2015:

I had been complaining that David didn’t hit me up anymore to hang out, and then lo and behold, he asked me if I wanted to go eat. But then I realized that we just don’t have much to say anymore, so I guess we’ve just kind of reached that point. Just felt odd to me that we used to talk so much while he was in Monterey, and then once he moved down to SD for a few months, we barely hung out or anything. Strange how friendships work…

Also thought it was interesting that when he found out about my breakup, he just commented on how it must be inconvenient to not have a place to stay in La Jolla. Like… what? Of all the things to be concerned about in the end, that’s what it boils down to? I’d like to think that my relationship was more than a matter of convenience, lol.

Anyway, headed back home to just be a couch potato, when Candace texted me to go get ice cream, and who could ever say no to that? It’s nice that she lives in North County, too, so I just had to drive to Poway vs. all the way to La Jolla. I’ll post a picture later, but right now my wifi isn’t cooperating and my data on my phone is low.

  

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May 24, 2015:

It was another night of going to sleep at 6:00/6:30, and then the group decided to go to eat brunch. I was conflicted about whether or not I wanted to go, but I decided against it (mainly) because I had an eye doctor appointment, and my mom would’ve killed me if I had been late. Definitely wasn’t avoiding people at all. lol.

Anyway, I went  to the optometrist at Sears, and he said my prescription didn’t change again this year. Woot! My shitty eyesight isn’t getting worse at least. Maybe one day I’ll get Lasik eye surgery, though probably not for a few years at least.

Went shopping, got home, took a nap, and then headed out to dinner. Didn’t really feel like being at dinner, and I wasn’t sure if it was because of post-LED stuff or just normal emotional shit.

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May 23, 2015:

So because of LED, I didn’t actually go to sleep until 6:00 or 6:30. But alas, the next day had to start sometime right?

Woke up, got ready, and then headed out to get lunch at Tacos El Gordo. It was super packed, so we ended up sitting outside in the grass, which was kinda fun in it’s own way. Felt super full and sleepy, so once we got to the beach, I definitely was ready for a nap (although I didn’t actually fall asleep…). But that’s okay because when we got back to the apartment, the five of us all knocked out in the living room, haha.

Then it was time to get ready for LED Day 2, which I definitely was not that excited for just because I didn’t know how I was going to make it through the night again (and well, I didn’t really.)

So the semi-sad story of day 2 begins….

We got there, and well, it took us a while to get our group together. I sobered up pretty quickly, which wouldn’t have been too bad if I had a sober buddy with me, or at least someone who would stick with me the whole night. Basically, to keep it simple, I just was not feeling it. I’m sure someone would’ve stuck with me if I asked, but I didn’t want to bring anyone down by telling them I wasn’t having a good time.

I kept leaving and then coming back, struggling to find the group again every time. I was feeling disappointed because someone who I had made a promise to hang out with had bailed on me, and it felt like he forgot about it and me altogether (which definitely made me realize I should not hold people to things they say while under the influence… because a lot of it is fake af and they don’t really mean it). It shouldn’t have bothered me that much, but this time I couldn’t get out of my head. I tried just taking a break for a little while on my own, but after a certain point, I was just done. I left at around 2:00 am and took a nap in Roger’s car until everyone else got out. I wish I would’ve stuck it out even just on my own instead of giving up, but I didn’t know what else to do. I wasn’t part of the group picture the second day, and it’s a silly thing to be sad about, but I was.

 P.S. If a guy does something, “Boys will be boys,” is a stupid excuse.
   
 

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