January 2, 2015:
Today I learned that if I don’t become a cleaner and more organized person, my future husband will slowly get so annoyed with my bad habits, that one day he will divorce me.
… Just kidding. Kind of.
My dad started lecturing me about some of my bad habits and emphasizing the need for me to basically get my shit together because of various reasons. And well, the thing is, whenever this happens, I don’t entirely disagree with him because he does make valid points, but he just has the ability to make my self-esteem sink so much. I don’t know… maybe it’s just the way he phrases things? And then I wonder if I’m being overly sensitive, or if he’s being an asshole. Maybe it’s both, lol. I know he’s looking out for me and always wants the best for me, I know. Sigh.
I don’t know, I guess I was just taught that if I don’t act a certain way or behave a certain way, people are going to get tired of me and not want to be with me anymore. I really hate having that fear that people won’t like me, or that I’ll annoy them, or that I’ll just end up not being enough. I’m trying to break out of that mindset and be more confident and self-assured and not worry about other people because the people who matter should stick with me regardless, but it’s tough.