January 5, 2015:

Today I learned that I can’t upload videos on WordPress, so I guess I’ll upload it to Tumblr, and then link it here, which I’ll probably end up linking back to Tumblr… lol. So yeah, click here.

Anyway, the bigger thing I learned today is that the death of someone you care about is a very, very, confusing thing.

It’s been three years since David, and it still feels so surreal. I almost didn’t realize what day it was until Cami liked Vivian’s old profile picture. I guess that’s how it works, right? Like, life keeps moving even though we wish it wouldn’t, and then something stops you and reminds you again of it all. I guess it keeps me grounded.

It still doesn’t make sense to me, how completely random and absurd and out of nowhere that it all was. I woke up one morning thinking everything was normal, and then I got a text that he suffered from a cardiac arrest the night before. What?
I remember crying uncontrollably the first day, and then not being able to cry again until the day of his funeral, and then not crying about it since. I remember trying to make a playlist of sad songs to listen to, but no song seemed sad enough. I was extremely frustrated that I couldn’t find a song that would express how I felt about it.

Now I look back, and I reminisce about the physics projects we did together or the Key Club banquets we went to, and I wonder what he would be doing now. I used to keep wondering, why him and why now, because damn, he had so much to look forward to in life. I found myself tearing up a bit today, which confused me greatly, because I suddenly found myself sitting at my desk at work wanting to just cry and cry and cry. Sigh.

I miss you, David.

P.S. It was an adventure trying to download this video from Facebook a couple years ago when they didn’t have the option to save webcam videos. It was something we posted on Scarlett’s wall, and I’m glad we did. I watch it every so often.

P.P.S. Since I can’t embed the video here, look at this picture! We were super cute.



3 thoughts on “5/365

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