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April 24, 2015:

Well, my day started off decently because my manager brought in bagels, and specifically the kind I like/the spread I like, so that was pretty nice of him.
I realized I forgot my coffee in my car, so I went to the break room to get some…
… which I then proceeded to spill onto my desk and onto my keyboard. Merp.

Fridays are usually my least productive days, and this one was no different. I had a talk with two of my managers about the position I applied to, and it was just really nice to see them be so enthusiastic about it for me.

Then I decided I wanted to be social, so I got dinner with Edward. After the standard struggle of deciding where to eat, we decided on Karl Strauss. I’ve been meaning to go back to the Mira Mesa one for a while now just because I like the outdoor area. Talked about my usual struggles and my current dilemma about whether I want to move out, and Edward’s solution is to tell me to flip a coin, lol. If only making a decision were that easy. 75% certain that I should stay at home though.

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April 23, 2015:

I was planning on getting dinner with Kush at 8:00, so after work I had about an hour to kill. I ended up going to campus to hang out with Tony, who I haven’t seen all quarter. We started catching up and suddenly I found myself wishing I had more time to hang out with him. I already talk fast, but I swear I was talking even faster in that hour and a half to try to update him as much as possible in that time period. And we plan to hangout next week too, so I’m happy about that.

After, I tried a new place called J&T Thai Street Food with my little Kush, and we spent about 2 hours catching up on the past couple of months. I swear, after I hang out with him, I always find myself wanting to gush and brag about how freaking amazing and great he is. Seriously, I could go on forever about how proud I am of him and list out all of his accomplishments. It makes me a little insecure at times because I feel like as his big, I should have my shit together more so that I can be a better role model, but there was a point in our conversation that I said that I was just taking it day by day and trying to schedule more of my time to be more productive, and he seemed genuinely proud that I was doing that much.

After those two hangouts, I legitimately felt so much better, like a burden had been slightly lifted off of my shoulders. I don’t know–I guess a lot has been weighing down on me, but spending time with the two of them made me feel like maybe I didn’t have to stress out after all. So grateful for them. My lionheart fam is seriously the best. For the first time in a while, I actually felt happy. Crazy stuff, I know.

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April 22, 2015:

Another day of feeling drained at work… glad for the overtime pay, wishing we could catch up as usual. I don’t really remember what else I did that day.. pretty sure I called Kingston after work to chat as I drove home as I tend to do, got home, ate dinner, and then watched TV shows with my parents. Yay for singing competition shows and Nashville, haha.

Sorry if this post is lacking substance–I’m trying to catch up and I know that’s not really the point to write about things days after, but it’ll bother me if at the end of this I don’t have 365 posts…. so yeah.

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April 21, 2015:

It was one of my ordinary days, getting up for work, staying until 6:30pm, being pretty worn out and exhausted, etc., that I think was highlighted by the fact that I┬áhad coffee and then failed to make the cup into the trash can that was 3 feet away from me… lol.

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April 20, 2015:

After a ton of nagging from my managers, I finally applied to the position that opened up. We’ll see how that goes.

On another note, Facebook sent me one of those “Here’s what happened 4 years ago on this day” posts, and so here I go back into nostalgic Vi mode:

4 years ago, on April 20, 2011, my friend wrote on my wall that he has to go shopping now, and that was because I asked him to go with me to prom. I really like planning things, and once I get an idea in my head, I get really into it.

My senior year was complicated because of this guy I liked, and everyone (including him lol) assumed I was going to prom with him. But I really didn’t want to because I was feeling pretty hurt, and I just wanted to go with a nice guy that I could have a fun time with. I wanted something simple. So I said screw what everyone thinks, why not just ask someone who’s been a really good friend to me this year? And so I showed up to his house with a poster and all that corny stuff, I asked him to go to prom with me, and he said yes! And I’m truly glad I did. I had a nice time with a good friend, I felt pretty, and because of that among other things he’s just one of those people I associate good memories with from high school. Yay nostalgia and old photos.

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April 19, 2015:

I finally got my lazy self to go into work and considering I didn’t go in until like 11 and stayed til 3, it was just the cleaning people and me hanging out on a Sunday afternoon, haha. Afterwards I headed to Starbucks to theoretically work on my cover letter and resume, but that didn’t really work out because it was crowded and there weren’t enough outlets.

That lingering feeling of being lost was there, and I didn’t know where to go except for home.
I’ve had this talk before with people, but sometimes I just want a place to call my own. Like, my home doesn’t feel like home–it feels like it’s my parents’ home. But then I think of how much money it would cost to move out, and then living with my parents doesn’t’ seem so bad.

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April 18, 2015:

Instead of going in to work, I slept in instead. I woke up at 10 but didn’t get out of bed until 12, and it was wonderful. Spent most of the day just watching TV and decided to start watching The Flash (well, from the beginning anyway because I’ve been watching random episodes here or there). Every time I see the main character, I think of his role on Glee, and it’s just kind of amusing. 

Anyway, I had this slight (and probably melodramatic) panic set in that I don’t have much of my life figured out right now, whether it be work or friends or anything really. I just feel like I straight up don’t have my shit together, and I’ve never really learned how to be independent, and it’s all kind of scary. I feel like I’m only 21, and I have my whole life ahead of me and time to figure things out, yet I still feel so behind. I think I’ve been complaining about these things for a while now, and I don’t want to be that person who whines without doing anything about it, so here’s to taking it day by day and working towards being happier and ending this post with my lame reminder quote: 

  

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