May 9, 2015:

They were doing system updates at work starting at 9:00am, so if we wanted to do OT, we would have had to come in before then, and people were talking about going to work at 4:00 or 5:00… I told myself i would try to go in at 6:00, and then my alarm went off at 5:15, I woke up, said NOPE, and went back to sleep.

The rest of the day I just hung out with my parents. We went out to coffee as usual, and my parents decided to have a talk about everything going on with us. Like I said in a previous post, my dad said he was planning on quitting his job sometime, which left him with a couple of scenarios/possible options:
1. The best option: He’d find another job in SD, and things would just continue on like normal.
2. He’d find a job in OC and would stay there during the week and come home on weekends.
3. He’d find a job somewhere farther away like NorCal and would come home maybe once a month.
4. He would be unable to find a new job, we would sell our house, and he’d just retire early.
Part of me wanted to suggest that I could move out on my own, and my mom could go with my dad wherever he finds a job, but I decided not to give them another thing to stress out about. I’m worried about my parents because they’ve been extremely stressed out about my dad’s employment situation and trying to figure out what the best thing to do is. I know my dad has been pretty miserable at work, and it’s hard to see him unhappy. I was just sitting on the couch with him when he stopped, sighed, and said, “I feel terrible.” Like… what?

I tried to talk about it with a co-worker because I was asking her about insurance benefits at my company since I may have to buy my own soon, and I told her that my dad was considering quitting his job. Her reaction was, “What?! Didn’t he think about how his actions would affect the people around him?” And I was shocked–I guess I can understand why she’d judge my dad’s seemingly rash decision, but my parents are two of the most selfless people I know. How could she say something like that? My parents have done nothing but sacrifice for me. It’s the typical Asian immigrant story–they came to America with barely anything, found jobs in things like kitchen help or newspaper delivery, and eventually worked their way up to make a living for our family. It has now been 25 years since they came to the states, and I think that my dad deserves a break.

Anyway my dad then started talking about relationships, which is always an… interesting talk to have with my parents. He said that the most important things are always respect, trust, compromise, and communication, and that I really have to consider all these things when I’m in a relationship. I have to learn from my past ones to make my future ones better.

My mom says she misses you because you had become part of our family. A wave of sadness kind of washed over me because I know there were so many good things about us, so many things that made it hard to let go. But then I have to also remember everything else and why I made that decision in the first place. Sigh.


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